temptation

So there’s not been a whole bunch to write about lately; or so I thought. I was struggling with some temptations I haven’t had since I was in the world and doing drugs… that was strange to me. Come to think of it, this was the same thing that happened to me last time I started pressing in to God through prayer like this… and now that I am writing about this I am reminded of Teresa’s warning that there are many reptiles in the first or outermost mansions. She warns that if we are to make it to the sanctuary where the Lord is we must put everything aside and focus solely on Him or we will get caught up in snares or traps set for us (which I managed to do last time…). Anyhow, so here I am pressing on. Then a couple nights ago I had an all new problem; I was worried that Christ was not the only way to The Father and that maybe there were other religions that were right also. After all I thought, aren’t there mystics in other religions also? So I was all messed up for a bit and I got this book by John Piper (God is so good for this) called “50 reasons why Jesus came to die.” It’s free right now (a price I can afford lol) on Christianaudio.com you should go there and get it. But yeah so I was listening to it and it is just so good and God is so good for making sure that I did not go down that path any further.
My prayer life itself has been kinda strange. I had a day or two where I was not feeling God at all while I prayed. Then I was worshiping one day cause I got sick of not feeling God and what do you know; He showed up. Silly me forgetting to glorify God as He deserves. Anyhow, so my prayer times since then have been beautiful and I’ve been seeing my virtue rising as I’ve been praying more. It’s funny because the little things I used to struggle with, not even struggle with but that were minor temptations, are no longer a problem for me. It’s funny it’s like I lost my taste for them… there is just no appeal there any more. This is happening even though my prayer time really doesn’t seem like I’m doing much. I mean that there are no heavy experiences or any trances, visions or anything like that just time in God’s presence and glory. It’s exciting to see how much such a short bit of time and effort on my part is helping me in so many different ways. I’m excited to see where God takes this.

focus...

So a few things that come up since I began seeking to understand more the prayer recollection. I found a really good website that lays out a pretty clearly what is required for the prayer of recollection. First of all sins of their two parts of the prayer known as prayer recollection one which we do on one which God does. They’re both the same thing and the one that we do leads to the other. Essentially it seems what we need to be doing is focusing on his presence so we feel it and really kind of letting go of everything else. Then as we begin to appreciate the pleasures… I can’t even concentrate right now… as we concentrate on the pleasure he gives us and focus on what he’s doing in us we become more immersed in it. The article I read was helpful in many ways. Especially at the end when he gave us a warning about those of us who desire contemplation and, “consult men, and the writings of men; yet do not apply to him who in one moment can give light to the humble soul, teaching it without sound of words, and imparting more in one single prayer of contemplation then could be obtained in years from the most spiritual man.” it really challenged me to stop my reading and begin my praying…

volitional prayer

when reading Teresa of Avila’s book “The Way of Perfection” I’ve come to understand that what is known as the prayer of recollection is actually a volitional state. Now what the prayer of recollection is, is when all of your senses and faculties are focused on Holy Spirit inside of you, more properly God in you. So essentially what this does is it cuts off your understanding and distraction from the outside world. This enables you to be completely focused on God when you pray. This is something I’d never realized so now in my prayer times when I begin feeling God’s Spirit I immediately focus on Him in sort of lean into Him. This causes me to have what I can only describe as a falling feeling. Every time I begin having this it causes me to kind of freak out and I lose my focus on God and I have to start all over. I vaguely remember reading about this in her other book “Interior Castle.” And she warned that as we were getting used to this feeling it would be scary. Now I know that should probably go without saying; how could it not be scary having your senses lose focus on the outside world but I’m glad she warned us about it anyhow. There was one thing she said I really appreciated, she said that what we are learning here in this state is how to give our soul control over our faculties. I can see why this would have to be the first stage in contemplative prayer.

All this being said does anybody else out there have any experience in this and if so how did they go about mastering this type of prayer?

wine and dine lol

No idea what happened I was the middle good spiel and my word processor decided to quit on me. So I was debating whether or not it would be a lack of humility to press in for more of God you see Teresa of Avila had made a comment of how we should not expect for God to do anything we pray, not that we shouldn’t expect Him to do anything, but that we shouldn’t expect that we deserve anything. I was then thinking, well then where does pressing in or asking, seeking, knocking come in. So I think I've decided there is a difference between seeking something from God and seeking God Himself. God has told us time and again to seek for things from him. I think that when we are seeking God Himself the most we should do is make ourselves available to Him and let Him initiate the encounters we have with Him. And when He trusts us He will bring us into His wine cellar. (see song of songs 2:4; that’s right to word there is “wine cellar” not “banquet hall” for some reason the word which is translated 139 times as “wine” is in this verse alone translated “banquet” it’s whatever I guess as long as you understand that you are going there to party with Him and get drunk. But God definitely has to be the one who put you there. The more risqué encounters that we have with God are ones that He has to initiate. so pursue your Bridegroom be love sick for Him let Him be your sole hearts desire and He will decide when you are ready to enter into His pleasures. As for seeking good things from Him I get the feeling that doesn’t take nearly as much faith. It seems to me that He is all too willing to shower us with blessings or whatever needs you may have but don’t expect Him to bring into the bridal chambers before He knows that He has your full heart.

coffee and headaches

So today when I was at work I had this awesome opportunity to pray for the lady who works the coffee cart. She told me that she had a migraine and it was hurting her really bad. I totally chickened out and walked away happy with my coffee. It’s rather frustrating to me knowing what God is capable of and knowing what I’ve seen him do right in front of my eyes and through my hands. I don’t know why there’s such a huge difference in my mind when I’m out on the mission field as opposed to my everyday life. It seems like lately I’ve been having one opportunity after the other to pray for those in need of healing. No matter where I go it keeps getting thrown in my face. I really need to learn not to put so much pressure on myself. My wife had a great suggestion that instead of just asking someone if they need prayer and making a kind of an awkward thing that I could just ask them along with a few other things I could do in the natural. So for example if the coffee ladies headache I could ask her “could I get you some aspirin, water or perhaps pray for you?” That way if prayer something that she would like, she could ask me for it. This way no pressure on me but the option is still out there. I know that eventually I will have to get a point where I can offer prayer for somebody without hesitation or trying to mask it behind something else but I think for now these baby steps are important after all you have to begin somewhere.

God Inside

So not that it matters quite yet since I really don’t have anyone is listening, or reading rather, but the other day I wrote a blog about some issues I had with another religion. I decided I would take that blog down because it does not reflect what I want this blog to be about. My thoughts on other religions are not relevant to my prayer life.

So yesterday during worship was trying to think of God in front of me like I usually do but was unable to. Instead I had this understanding that He was inside of me. I couldn’t picture Him there I just knew that’s where He was. it was quite exciting. I feel that it is the next step that I have been looking for. Or at least the beginning of it. I’m finding myself coming to a much better understanding of God inside of me. I suppose I shouldn’t even say a much better understanding perhaps I should say that I’m coming to the realization of it. So what is the significance of this? I know that every Christian has God in them, but most of us seem quite unaware of it. Understanding that He is inside of you I feel is one of the first steps that we take in the understanding of our union with Him. As we begin understand that He is inside of us and dwelling with us we also begin to understand that the kingdom of heaven is inside of us and with that of course comes all His glory, power, and majesty. Think about it, if the God who created the universe is inside of us, in his fullness I might add , what sort of limitations could possibly restrain us.

It’s been rather amazing to me to see the change that has come since I devoted myself more fully to the Lord. I’ve been finding His Spirit has been on me in a much thicker way. It’s been very exciting and definitely worth everything that I’ve given up. To be honest I wish I had given it up sooner or maybe that I had more that I could give. That sounds way cheesy or perhaps rather cliché but that’s the way I feel lame as it may be.

tornado rebuked

this is just so awesome you have to watch it... it's only 1min 40sec... God is good!!!!
http://www.xpmedia.com/NO5PfMiJfRFZ

Repentance

Father God; first and foremost I want to apologize for having strayed as far as I had after the consolation You had given me when I was struggling with my addiction. You came to me and after I chose to continue on as I had been and made no effort to change or to seek you in a greater way. You had invited me in to intimacy with Yourself and I didn’t see it as anything but a cool experience. I see now that You were showing me how to avoid such longings and cravings as I was having and it is through union with You. Lord I ask for You to come to me once again as You had. Not that I deserve it but that I would like to make it right. I would like the opportunity to remain that close to You and continue in our relationship from that point. Regardless I know You are good and will continue to seek You until we are unified as we were and greater if you will allow it.

It can be hard when, as we grow, we come to understand that experiences of our past, had we handled them differently, could have propelled us much further in our lives with the Lord than what they did. I had an experience one night a few years back where the Lord came to my aid while I was going through some pretty bad withdrawals and the experience was so powerful that many times when my faith has waned or I was unsure of God that I was able to turn back to it and remember how He showed up and I could no longer doubt my faith or my Lord. Now as great as that is, I should have used it as an opportunity to surrender myself completely into the arms of my God who had shown Himself faithful and loving. I believe had I done this and continued seeking that intimacy there I would be in a completely different place than I am now.
Fortunately we serve a God of mercy who knows we are dust, and He is patient and gracious to us. So I have repented and am now seeking once again to know that kind of intimacy with Him. It is very comforting knowing that I may be humble and not expect anything from Him in prayer and at the same time trust completely in His goodness knowing that He will see to it that what is best for me in my times with Him will be done.

next step

So all yesterday I spent in prayer (minus about 3 hours I managed to get sidetracked…) seeking God’s desire for my wife and I and where we should go once our lease is up here. Should we go to Redding for the school of ministry there or should we remain here and allow God to continue moving as He has? He didn’t really give me a response… and I was beginning to think it may be one of those things He really doesn’t care about. Not that He doesn’t care as much as He is going to do what He’s going to with us regardless of where we are. I kept thinking about Paul also and how he spoke of his training from Christ directly and how he didn’t need to confer with the other apostles. I really get the feeling that God is just going to let me make the choice (giving me responsibility… ha!) I tell you it is a lot easier when He just tells you what to do.

My wife was praying today asking God about a country to have a burden for that we can begin some missionary trips to and join with a group that is there on a permanent basis so we can come alongside them. God told her “Didn’t I tell you I’d send you to the NATIONS?” lol just wanted to brag on my wife a bit. She is being taught right now to think bigger than she currently does. It’s exciting to watch her growth process also.

So in my reading yesterday I was reminded that we often think of great things we wish to do for God. And that if we focus on those at the cost of the small things we are able to do right now we will only be losing out on what God truly wants from us. Instead we should “set out hand to the work which lies nearest to us,” and that we make the mistake of not serving our Lord in the ways within our power and “rest content with having desired the impossible.” This is a hard revelation to take in especially with work and those who I should be showing love to but instead I neglect and ignore… that being said it is only in starting with this foundation that we will be considered worthy to do those more grand things which are in our hearts.